In today’s fractured families, one of the most heartbreaking dynamics is quietly playing out behind closed doors.

Grandparents are being cut off from their grandchildren. According to recent data, 1 in 7 grandparents in the UK are now estranged, often due to family disputes, divorce, or allegations—true or false—that ripple across generations.

What’s less often acknowledged is how this can also be a form of elder abuse—not in the physical sense, but emotional. Being denied contact with grandchildren can deeply affect a grandparent’s mental and emotional well-being. The loss of purpose, connection, and identity can feel like a death while still living.

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🎙 BBC Radio 4 Highlights the Growing Issue

Just recently, BBC Radio 4 aired a deeply moving segment focusing on this issue. Janet Jackson from the Bristol Grandparents Support Group shared the emotional toll this estrangement takes, describing it as a form of “living bereavement.” It’s not just the loss of visits or birthdays—it’s the loss of a vital relationship that helps shape identity, love, and security in children.

Vanessa Lloyd Platt, a family lawyer, also spoke on the show, clarifying the legal complications:

“Unlike separated parents who can file a C100 form to seek contact with their children, grandparents must first apply for leave to apply—an extra legal step that can drag on for years.”

By the time court decisions are made, many grandchildren are older, estranged, or emotionally distant, and sadly, some grandparents may have passed away. The connection is lost in time.

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🧬 A Loss of Genealogy, A Loss of Belonging

From a personal perspective, I know this pain intimately—I’m an alienated adult child. I lost not only a parent but also my grandparents. I remember them. I remember the warmth, the smells, the security. And I carry a deep sorrow for not having been encouraged—or even made—to write to them. I now wish that someone had told me:

“Write to your grandparents. They love you. They are waiting.”

This isn’t just emotional—it’s a public health issue, and a kind of emotional elder abuse. Both grandparents and children suffer. Children lose their heritage, their family stories, their roots. Grandparents lose a legacy and a sense of purpose.

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🛑 It’s Not About “Rights”—It’s About Relationships

Whenever I talk about grandparents’ rights, I get backlash. But here’s the truth:
We’re not talking about legal ownership—we’re talking about emotional access. About not cutting off children from love and history.

Yes, parents can and should set boundaries. But don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Let’s not deprive our children of a relationship that’s fundamentally different from any other—a relationship with their grandparents.

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🌟 Interview on YouTube: Lorraine Bushell OBE

Follow the link below and watch the YouTube video, where I continue this conversation with Lorraine Bushell OBE, a lifelong advocate for grandparents’ support. She has been at the forefront of this issue for decades and was awarded an OBE for her groundbreaking work in supporting grandparenting rights and awareness.

Our interview will shed more light on how we can support alienated grandparents, and what changes might be on the horizon.

Contact Lorraine at hendongrandparents@gmail.com if you are an alienated / estranged grandparent or know somebody who is, and needs support.

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Another new study published by Jennifer Harman’s graduate student, Hesam Varavei and Edward Kruk on grandparent alienation

The Lived Experiences of Grandparents Who Have Never Seen Their Grandchildren: A New Perspective on Grandparent Alienation. Click here for the study and HERE for Jennifer’s post.

🕊 Final Words: Never Give Up

I want to end with a message of hope—don’t give up. Even if the court process takes years. Even if the silence feels permanent. Leave the door open. Let love stay alive.

Because one day, those children may come looking. And when they do, let there be something—a letter, a memory, a welcome—waiting for them.

Kevin R Webb (MEd.L, BEd., BA Found., QTS), Somatic Trauma Informed Narcissistic Abuse Coach

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