A simple chat can make all the difference
FOR HELP AND SUPPORT: support@thepowerandcontrolwheel.co.uk
A Helpline support service for alienated mums, dads and extended family
- Parental Alienation – Narcissistic Abuse can happen to anyone.
- It was NOT your fault!
- What’s happening to you is REAL – the abuse, the children, the Family Court system, the schools, the craziness.
UK Helpline – book a phone chat
When you’re ready, book a FREE half hour phone call with me. I’ll send you an email confirmation and call you from a Private number at that time. You’re in control. No worries of someone returning your missed call at inconvenient – or dangerous – times. You’ll know exactly when I’ll be calling, assured that it’s not a flying monkey or your ex.
UK parents, I’ll call you. If you’re overseas, I’ll send you a Zoom link.
Is this Helpline just for alienated parents?
No. This FREE Helpline ‘call-back’ service is also for people who have experienced workplace abuse, family scapegoat abuse, alienated adult child abuse, domestic abuse.
Whatever the abuse, it’s important to chat with someone who ‘gets’ it, who believes you. In a fog, struggling to think, feeling unsafe. Maybe book Support or Coaching sessions later, but right now let’s just talk.
Any narcissistic abuse – whether parental alienation, work-place abuse, family scapegoat abuse – is soul-destroying. It affects your daily life, your health, your finances and every other aspect of your life. Few people understand, many don’t want to, some blame you, some betray you.
I recognize that abuse is not about gender – it’s about power and control. It’s in the workplace, in families and relationships, in friendships, and in our society, in the powers and principalities (the Bible talks about that), in our schools, public services, courts and government. It’s everywhere. 1 in 25 people approximately is a sociopath / psychopath – and then there are the other Cluster B – Borderlines and Narcissists. You need to be able to see and manage this. In other words, you have to Wake UP!
Resources to help understand Narcissistic Abuse
Isolation and narcissistic abuse
Narcissist abuse of any form, is a psychologically lonely place. You question yourself, your reality. Who can you trust? Even among people, you’re alone. And then the slippery slope of self-isolation. Samaritans is a superb service to use (I’m Samaritans trained) – but often don’t understand the extent of psychological trauma.
Reasons for booking a phone chat
Booking a phone chat is a huge step away from narcissistic control – being isolated. I’ll give half hour of my time for you to chat with – FREE – which sometimes is all you need, just to listen while you chat about your story of parental alienation, narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse. You’ll feel ‘heard’ finally. The information also helps me (a DAVIA member) and others to change the Gov UK law about Parental Rights and Responsibilities.
No matter who you are, there’s no judgement, no bias, what you say won’t be shared unless there’s a legal obligation for me to do so (see next heading). Every situation, although similar, is unique to each individual. There is no blame or shame in what you’re going through. My only intention is for you to survive and learn about narcissistic abuse. I love the Lord and quietly seek guidance and peace from Him.
What I cannot keep confidential
These FREE chats are a ‘safe space’. Our phone or Zoom call is confidential subject to the constraints of English law and ethical practice. I have a legal duty to report anything to do with terrorism or acts of terror. Female Genital Mutilation issues, I have a legal responsibility to report it. If you are aware of FGM, you have a legal responsibility to report it. If I receive a court order or coroner’s request, I have to comply. I would not release any details of our call unless there was an order to do so, or unless I had your written consent. If I felt that you or someone you told me about was at imminent risk of serious harm, I might have to act on that. In this situation, I would discuss it with you so we could decide what to do.
These Helpline calls / Zoom sessions do not affect your medical records. I cannot make a GP referral. If you disclosed information involving risk of harm to yourself, there is no legal requirement for me to report it; this is something I would wish to talk about with you. For ethical and moral purposes, I’d suggest you report concerns to the proper authorities. Where possible, we would not break confidence without your prior knowledge and, ideally, consent. Working in this field, I sometimes need to ‘off-load’ to a relevant body; I will not break confidentiality.
For general enquiries, please contact:
info@thepowerandcontrolwheel.co.uk
Supporting narcissistic abuse victims
I worked on a UK charity’s Helpline for alienated parents, developed it and arranged for the call-handlers to be trained for the charity Parental Alienation Awareness. Formerly Jack Goodings / PAA Trustee, I designed and set up the UK County online and in-person Support Sessions for alienated parents and extended family – yep, that was me. I’m the very person who wrote the Hosts Guide and the ‘Safe Space’ Agreement, led the UK Hosts team. Established Parental Alienation Awareness as a public service provider for the Third Sector. I’m the one who got the Department for Work and Pensions to ‘see’ you, an alienated parent, as a domestic abuse victim and three months grace for looking for work – that was me (and accepting Creative Industry as a credible ‘job search’).
Since 2017, I worked with narcissistically abused individuals – yes, I’m one of those from the days of the Narcissistic Abuse community. I’ve received Counselling training although I’m not registered. 30 years as a primary school and high school teacher and senior leader, and Subject Advisor for Initial Teacher Training, plus working with disaffected adults over the years and those who lost their way. I am Enhanced DBS checked, Safeguarding trained regularly, and very experienced.
Identifying Parental Alienation
On this website and the YouTube channel, I help you identify the behaviours and factors of parental alienation, and where it is on The Power And Control Wheel.
Understanding the Power and Control Wheel
CAFCASS uses The Power And Control Wheel (Duluth model), and the Family Justice Council latest Guidance to judges differentiates between ‘rare’ parental alienation and domestic abuse. This is why it’s essential to refer to the Power And Control Wheel, in a non-gendered manner. It covers the whole of the abuse, not just parental alienation – but PA is on the wheel, making it a civil court matter.
Yes, the Duluth Model is gendered, referring to Male Privilege, and you need to unravel this – there is no such thing as Male Privilege, but legislation, media, public perception and Women’s Aid groups want you to believe otherwise. There’s a lot of money involved, they’re not going to just give that up.
What is the Power and Control Wheel?
The Wheel illustrates the range of tactics used in abusive relationships, and highlights domestic abuse as not only being physical abuse. Developed in 1984 by Ellen Pence and Michael Paymar with particular focus on male violence against women, the Duluth model (as it’s known) includes Male Privilege and worded in gendered terms. Gender is used against alienated parents, please help to push back on it. There is no Male Privilege and domestic abuse is about power and control, not Gender – research available from DAVIA and The National Domestic Abuse Hotline shows near-50% either gender. Although the narrative in media, legislation, education and public says otherwise, it has been known for some time that power and control has no correlation with Gender. CAFCASS refers to the Duluth model, as do many ‘couples’ counsellors and therapists – worth asking first if you’re attending ‘couples counselling’.
The Power and Control Wheel is not the same as the Wheel of Power, although it’s worth having a look at.
What are the range of tactics on the Wheel?
- Coersion and threats
- Intimidation
- Emotional abuse
- Isolation
- Minimising, denying and blaming
- Using (weaponizing) children
- Economic abuse
- Male privilege
Each of these tactics are broken down further into examples
How does parental alienation fit in with the Power and Control Wheel?
Parental alienation is a form of domestic abuse, domestic violence, child abuse. You can find it on the Wheel, labelled as ‘Weaponizing the children’ i.e. ‘alienating behaviours’. The Wheel is ‘gendered’. However, when you look at the huge number of traumatized men and women Internationally who are being denied their ability to parent their children, let alone see and interact with them, it’s clear to see the vicarious abuse through the children i.e. children weaponized. Hence, it places question over the accuracy of Male Privilege and the need for the Duluth Power And Control Wheel to be replaced by a non-gendered Wheel. Alienated parents must call for this.
What support do you provide for victims?
The key to surviving and recovering from this abuse is ‘EDUCATION’.
I offer a FREE ear for you to talk, someone who understands. It’s important to come out of isolation. Use the Contacts Form to arrange a call-back.
For more support, I take the educational approach i.e. help you understand what you’re facing in the form of ‘Talk’ Support Sessions. Costs are low.
To help you regain your agency, health, life and future back, I also have Coaching sessions available; again, this is education, not ‘care’ or ‘therapy’. Again, costs are low – it’s been hard enough already on your finances.
You’ll find many valuable videos on my YouTube channel, with this speech in particular at the last Conference in Somerset. I go live every couple of weeks, so remember to Subscribe and click on the Bell for notifications.
I attend Support Groups to speak with people about Parental Alienation. If you’d like me to attend a session, please do get in touch.
I hold presentation to the Department for Work and Pensions to raise awareness of this ‘alienated’ community group and the challenges they face with daily functioning, why this is so. Please do get in touch.
How can I book Support and Coaching sessions with you?
To book a Support session, whether Talk Support or Coaching, go to the Booking page and choose a suitable time and date. Payment will need to be made at least a day prior to the session- PayPal and Direct Bank Transfer is available, details will be sent. Sessions are only £40 p/hr individually, or £35 for any block booking of two or more. Re-scheduling will need at least 24-hour notice. Although I’m unable to refund any booked sessions, I can reschedule for up to 4 weeks to help.