This is not a small thing. This is the rest of your life.

There is no funeral for this loss. No acknowledgement. People tell you to give it time — not understanding that time is the one thing you don’t have in abundance.

Your grandchildren are alive and you cannot reach them. Your nervous system responds to that the same way it responds to any devastating loss. And the world offers almost nothing to hold it.

What you are experiencing is grandparent alienation — the deliberate severing of your relationship with your grandchildren, rooted in the same power and control dynamics as all family abuse. It is real. It has a name. And it is far more common than anyone acknowledges.

Does any of this sound like where you are?

• Grandchildren who were part of daily life have suddenly become unreachable.
• Contact has stopped — calls unanswered, messages ignored, visits cancelled.
• Your own grown child who you love and raised has estranged from you.
• No explanation has been given that makes any sense.
• Things are being said about you that are not true — with no way to respond.
• The legal position is unclear and nobody has explained what rights, if any, exist.
• Everyone says give it time — without understanding that time is exactly what grandparents don’t have in abundance.
• The grief is real and constant, but the world doesn’t recognise it as grief because the grandchildren are still alive.
• There is no obvious reason this is happening — and that makes it harder, not easier, to bear.

And then there is the betrayal

For many grandparents, the person behind this is someone they raised and loved without condition. Someone they made mistakes with — as all parents do — but never, in any version of events, deserved this from.
Being treated as disposable after a lifetime. As though nothing given, nothing sacrificed, nothing shared counts for anything. That reaches somewhere other losses do not reach.
You did not deserve this. Making mistakes as a parent does not mean you deserved this. Nobody deserves this.

Talk to someone who understands this

I hold support sessions for grandparents across the UK. Plus chat and coaching, a 30-minute call by phone (UK) or Zoom (international). No waiting list. No forms. No cold room. I also run alienated parent support groups in the UK and online, where you can connect with others who truly understand what this does to a person.

What can grandparents do about alienation in the UK?

Grandparents in England and Wales have no automatic right to apply to the family court. They must first apply for permission — leave — to make an application for a Child Arrangements Order. It is an extra step most people do not know exists until they are already in crisis.

Mediation is sometimes possible where the other party is willing to engage. Where control dynamics are present, it often is not.

This is not legal advice. Before taking any steps, speak with a specialist family solicitor. Understanding the process before committing to it will save significant time, money and distress.

What no legal route addresses is what this is doing to your nervous system, your sleep, your ability to function while you are carrying it. That is where this work comes in.

Grandparents in England and Wales have no automatic legal right to contact with their grandchildren.

Before applying to court, they must first apply for permission to apply — an extra legal hurdle most don’t know exists until they are already in crisis. The legal process is slow, expensive and uncertain. But the legal route is only one part of what you are facing right now.

What makes grandparent alienation different — and in some ways crueller

Targeted parents lose contact with their children — but they have time. If a child is young, they will grow up. They will eventually be able to ask their own questions and seek out the truth.

For grandparents, the mathematics are different and brutal. By the time a grandchild is old enough to seek you out independently, you may not be here. Or not as you are now — not able to take them out, teach them things, pass on what you carry. The stories. The family history. The particular calm that only comes from someone who has lived a long time and come through things.

This is a window. And it closes.

What grandparenting carries is irreplaceable. The family tree made flesh. The recipes, the sayings, the ways of doing things that stretch back generations. The unconditional love of someone with nothing left to prove. Children who lose their grandparents to alienation lose something nobody else in their life can give them.

I understand this from both sides

I’m Kevin Webb — somatic trauma-informed coach, educator, and alienated parent. I have worked with targeted parents and alienated families across the UK for years in the narcissistic abuse community — running support groups, giving presentations and interviews, and coaching through some of the hardest situations family breakdown produces.

I also know grandparent alienation from the inside at a very personal level –

and what this kind of loss does to a person before it has even fully arrived.