Yes, ‘parental alienation’ is real because parental alienation is a verb. It’s not just a label or a psychological theory. It’s a set of abusive behaviours that separate children from loving parents.
Good morning everyone – or good afternoon, good evening, wherever you’re reading this blog from – and welcome back to more hard-hitting truth about parental alienation and narcissistic abuse — two realities that go hand in hand. If you’ve found this post because you’re in the thick of it, know this: you’re not alone.
Before we go further, please consider sharing this blog, and comment below. Your voice matters. The more we talk about this, the more we raise awareness and break the silence that isolates alienated parents.
Let’s dive in.
What Is Parental Alienation — Really?
Parental alienation is a verb. It’s not just a label. It’s not just a legal term or a psychological theory. It’s a pattern of observable behaviours carried out by one parent that obstructs or destroys the relationship between a child and their other parent.
If you look up the word “alienate,” you’ll see what I mean. This is active. It’s something done. And it’s devastating.
For those of us who’ve experienced it, we didn’t need a definition at first — we felt the pain of it long before we understood the term. We saw our parenting undermined, our children turned against us, and our families fractured.
Why Grandparents Matter in the Fight Against Alienation
I strongly believe grandparents should have rights, both legally and morally. When a child is cut off from one side of their family — their genealogy, their roots, their sense of self — it causes lasting damage. Children grow up with unanswered questions, struggling to make sense of a stolen history.
Groups like Lorraine Bushell OBE’s and countless others across the UK and worldwide are doing vital work to fight for grandparent rights. I salute you.
Yes, there are narcissistic grandparents out there too — just like narcissistic parents. But the baseline must be access and intervention when harm is occurring. Not blanket denial.
Narcissistic Abuse Is at the Core
When I first went through this, I came from the world of narcissistic abuse recovery. I saw:
- Smear campaigns
- Gaslighting
- Flying monkeys
- Triangulation
- DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)
These were the tools used by the alienating parent, often with a cluster B personality disorder. I didn’t yet have the words “parental alienation.” But I knew my children were being psychologically manipulated, and I was being intimate partner abused, long after the relationship ended.
Don’t Call It Parental Alienation in Court (At First)
Here’s a critical tip: avoid leading with the term “parental alienation” in court unless you’re sure the judge understands it.
Why? Because it’s become a buzzword that draws backlash and skepticism. Instead, describe the behaviours:
- Obstructed contact
- Coaching the child to reject you
- Sabotaging school handovers
- False allegations
- Gaslighting the child against you
Build a timeline of evidence, reference the DSM-5, ICD-11, and UK legal frameworks. You can say, “These are alienating behaviours.” Let someone else name it.
This Is Domestic Abuse — And It’s Illegal
Make no mistake: this is abuse. It’s a form of intimate partner violence, child psychological abuse, and coercive control.
And when CAFCASS or family courts enable one parent to obstruct the other without solid evidence, they’re not just failing — they may be breaking the law or at the very least complicit in it.
If one parent is actively sabotaging the child’s relationship with the other, the issue is no longer just a family matter. It becomes a child protection and criminal law issue.
50/50 Parenting as a Baseline
The solution? Start with a 50/50 parenting baseline. Then observe.
If a parent is truly unsafe, the evidence will emerge. But in many cases, pathogenic parenting is being mistaken for “primary caregiving.” This is where interventions must be fair, child-centred, and legally sound.
Final Thought: Alienation Can Be Geographical, Too
Alienation isn’t always psychological. Sometimes it’s geographical.
I didn’t turn against my dad — but I was taken away. My mum moved us from the Black Country (West Midlands UK) to the U.S. for 10 years. Slowly, contact with my paternal family faded. They didn’t become less important — they just became distant. That’s alienation too.
So when people say parental alienation doesn’t exist, I push back. It does exist. And if you’re one of us who’s lived it, you know the truth.
What You Can Do
✅ Use the term “parental alienation” as a breadcrumb — a way to find community.
✅ Describe the behaviours, not the label, in court.
✅ Educate your therapist and solicitor with documented evidence.
✅ Support 50/50 parenting as a default, with intervention only when genuinely needed.
✅ Share your story. Raise awareness. Help others not feel alone.
Kevin R Webb (MEd.L, BEd., BA Found., QTS), Somatic Trauma Informed Narcissistic Abuse Coach
Call to Action:
If this resonated with you, please join me on Zoom to share your story. Your voice matters. Let’s raise awareness about the silent epidemic of parental alienation and narcissistic abuse.
👉 Book a free 30-minute discovery call to explore if trauma-informed coaching is the right next step for you.
👉 Book a 1-hour Somatic Coaching Support Session today — affordable, faith-friendly, and trauma-informed.
Consider telling your story with an interview. Anonymity is available.
Let’s reconnect you to your voice, your power, and your path forward.
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