Understanding narcissistic abuse through the Power and Control Wheel
Something is wrong. You’ve known it for a long time. And nobody gets it.
Narcissistic Abuse Support & Helpline — UK and International
If you’re experiencing parental alienation, workplace difficulties, scapegoating in families, coercive control, financial misuse, community gang stalking, another side to friendships — you may have experienced narcissistic abuse.
You can’t quite explain it. There’s no single thing to point to. Just a fog, a murkiness. A constant alertness, a dullness. A belief that it’s not safe to talk about what happened.
Could you have done anything differently? Were you to blame? Tough thoughts that keep you in ‘shame’. It prevents you from living a full life, without guilt. You’ve been carrying this alone. And now you’re searching for answers — possibly for help.
There is a name for what you’re experiencing. It’s called narcissistic abuse.
It happens in relationships. In families. Mums, dads, grandparents, siblings, husband, wife. In friendships. Workplaces. Schools and colleges. Community groups.
Anywhere there are power and control dynamics, someone will abuse it.
The first time people realise they’ve been narcissistically abused is when the fog starts lifting. The patterns become visible. What felt impossible to explain becomes something that can be named, understood, and — with the right support — survived.
You are not too sensitive. You are not the problem. You are not imagining it. This is real. And it did happen.
Does any of this resonate?
- Nothing you do is enough — somehow, you’re always the problem
- You know what happened, but you end up apologising anyway
- You walk on eggshells, never knowing which version you’ll get
- Your words get twisted and used against you
- In your family, you are the difficult one — the scapegoat, the one who never quite fits
- You were the golden child — and you’re only now seeing how conditional that love always was
- It seems your relationship with your children is being sabotaged
- At work, no matter what you do, it gets used against you — you’re set up, sidelined, scapegoated
- In schools, colleges and institutions — bullied, dismissed, or failed by the very systems that should have protected you
- You’re being smeared, isolated or monitored — friends, family or colleagues turned against you, your reputation quietly destroyed, a sense that it’s coordinated and deliberate
- You’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way.
What you’re experiencing has a name. It can be explained. You have been a victim of narcissistic abuse. And there is a way through it.
Narcissistic Abuse & Coercive Control Support
Direct, informed, human support — from someone who understands the patterns, the tactics, the alienation, the smearing and coercion, the neurobiological impact, the daily challenges, and what it actually takes to move away from narcissist control – and forwards.
A Clarity Call — A phone or Zoom conversation with someone who gets it. No pressure, no judgment, no jargon.
One-to-One Coaching — Somatic, trauma-informed support at the pace your nervous system can handle. Understanding what happened, working with the body, finding a way forward.
Group Support Sessions — Monthly online sessions and in-person meetups. A safe, boundaried space with others who truly understand.
The self that existed before this happened has not been destroyed. It has been buried — underneath survival strategies, adaptive behaviours, and years of someone else’s version of who you are. Finding it again is possible. It starts with being heard by survivors who understand these dynamics – it’s the difference between ‘functional freeze’ and ‘thriving’.
Whatever brought you here, you are in the right place.
Maybe you searched for coercive control. Maybe you found the term narcissistic abuse and something clicked. Maybe you’re a parent whose children are being turned against you. Maybe you have no children but you’ve spent a lifetime being blamed and told you’re the problem.
Different words. Different relationships. Different tactics. The same pattern of power and control.
The Power and Control Wheel maps the tactics — isolation, gaslighting, financial control, using children, intimidation, minimising and blaming. It doesn’t matter whether the person doing this has a diagnosis or a label. What matters is what it does to you. To your nervous system. To your sense of reality. To your ability to trust your own instincts.
Where does this show up for you?
→ As a parent — Your children being weaponised and turned against you
→ In an intimate relationship —A partner who controls, manipulates, gaslights
→ In your family — The scapegoat, always blamed. The golden child, conditional
→ As an adult child — Making sense of a childhood that never felt safe
→ As a grandparent — Shut out of your grandchildren’s lives without explanation
→ In the workplace, school or institution — Bullied, side-lined, dismissed
→ In a friendship or community — Performative. Betrayed. Smeared. Isolated
Each of these has its own page — written in your language, from the inside of the experience. Each one ends with a path to support.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (women): 0808 2000 247 (free, 24 hours) | Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327 | Galop (LGBTQ+) 0800 999 5428 | Samaritans: 116 123 | NHS 111 | Victim Support 08 08 16 89 111
USA — 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline | National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233