Have you ever asked yourself, “Why can’t I just move on?” or “Why do I still feel unsafe?”
If so, you’re not alone. Healing after narcissistic abuse can feel overwhelming, confusing, and exhausting.
But here’s the truth—your healing isn’t broken, it’s just unfolding.
Narcissistic abuse doesn’t leave bruises. Instead, it imprints confusion, fear, and deep emotional pain onto your nervous system. That’s why understanding what you’re healing from—and how—is essential.
What Makes Healing So Difficult?
Abuse by someone with narcissistic traits involves gaslighting, love bombing, devaluation, and silent treatment. These patterns often leave survivors questioning their reality.
Over time, the nervous system gets stuck in survival mode. This can show up as anxiety, chronic fatigue, dissociation, or feeling emotionally numb.
Your brain and body are doing what they were trained to do—stay alert for danger. That’s why healing can’t just be a mindset. It has to be embodied.
Somatic Trauma Informed Coaching: A Grounded Approach
Somatic trauma informed coaching works with your body, not just your thoughts. The goal is to reconnect you with your inner safety.
Through gentle body-based practices, survivors can begin to feel grounded again. The nervous system is supported in shifting from hypervigilance to calm awareness.
This method doesn’t force change—it invites healing at a pace your body can handle.
5 Daily Practices to Support Your Healing
Let’s bring this into real life. You don’t need grand rituals—just small, consistent practices. Here are five powerful ideas:
1. Morning Check-In
Begin your day with awareness. Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Ask, “How do I feel today?” No judgment. Just notice.
2. Safe Movement
Gentle movement such as stretching, walking, or shaking helps release stored stress. Let your body lead—keep it intuitive.
3. Breathwork
Three minutes of slow, deep breathing regulates your nervous system. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four.
4. Boundary Affirmation
Speak this aloud: “I am allowed to protect my peace.” Repeating healthy boundaries helps rebuild confidence and self-trust.
5. Nighttime Wind-Down
End your day with stillness. A warm bath, soft music, or journaling can signal to your body that it’s safe to rest.
Each of these tools tells your nervous system: “You are safe now.”
Challenges on the Healing Path
Yes, healing can be messy. You may feel progress one day and stuck the next. That’s normal. The effects of narcissistic abuse don’t disappear overnight.
You may experience:
- Emotional flashbacks
- A strong inner critic
- Fear of trusting others
- Physical symptoms without clear causes
These are signs of unresolved trauma—not weakness.
What to Avoid During Recovery
Some behaviors might slow down or complicate healing. Try to avoid:
- Rushing yourself: Recovery isn’t a race.
- Overexposure to triggering content: Protect your peace online.
- Self-isolation: Healing in connection is often more effective.
- Re-explaining yourself to people who won’t understand: You don’t need everyone’s validation.
- Judging your trauma responses: Freeze, flight, fight, or fawn are natural.
Each step, even the backwards ones, is part of your growth.
The Role of Narcissistic Abuse and Parental Alienation
This kind of emotional abuse isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It happens in:
- Friendships that feel controlling
- Families where you’re scapegoated
- Workplaces where you’re undermined
- Co-parenting with a manipulative ex
Parental alienation, where one parent is turned against by the other using the child as a weapon, is especially traumatic. It can trigger shame, helplessness, and grief.
Yet this form of abuse is rarely recognised—especially in men. Abuse is not gender-specific. And neither is pain.
The Power and Control Wheel: A Broader Lens
Originally created to identify domestic abuse, the Power and Control Wheel outlines patterns such as emotional abuse, isolation, and using children as tools of manipulation.
Many survivors of narcissistic abuse can see their own experiences reflected here. For instance:
- Using children: Turning them against you to maintain control
- Minimising: Dismissing your concerns as “overreacting”
- Emotional abuse: Using guilt or fear to dominate you
- Economic control: Limiting access to shared finances
These aren’t just toxic behaviors. They are abusive tactics that affect your nervous system and self-worth.
Rebuilding Trust in Yourself
After abuse, self-trust is often shattered. You might ask:
- “Why didn’t I see the signs?”
- “How can I trust myself again?”
The answer lies in gentle, daily reconnection. Every time you honor your boundaries, your nervous system learns safety. Every time you name your truth, your confidence grows.
You don’t have to do this alone. Support is available. Trauma-informed coaches, therapists, and peer communities can walk beside you.
Keep Going—Even When It’s Hard
Healing after narcissistic abuse takes courage. But you’ve already survived the hardest part: the abuse itself.
So, ask yourself:
What’s one thing I can do today to support my healing?
How can I remind my body that it is no longer in danger?
Intentional, consistent choices create profound transformation.
Final Thoughts
You’re not broken—you’ve been wounded. And wounds can heal with care.
Through somatic trauma informed coaching, daily nervous system support, and recognition of narcissistic abuse for what it truly is, recovery becomes more than survival. It becomes a return to your full self.
Every breath, every boundary, every moment of rest is part of that journey.
And remember: you’re not alone.
To understand what happens with the brain, watch the video presentation I gave:
Kevin R Webb (MEd.L, BEd., BA Found., QTS), Somatic Trauma Informed Narcissistic Abuse Coach
If you’ve experienced abuse of any type and can’t find a way forward, contact me for effective, affordable, coaching support. Email support@thepowerandcontrolwheel.co.uk
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