Why the Power and Control Wheel Defines Parental Alienation as Domestic Abuse

Parental alienation as domestic abuse is gaining increasing recognition by legal systems and support organisations. Rather than being dismissed as a mere custody dispute, it must be seen for what it truly is—coercive control, emotional manipulation, and psychological harm. In this blog, the Power and Control Wheel is explored as a tool to help identify and communicate these abusive behaviours, especially within the UK family court system.

Understanding the Power and Control Wheel

The Power and Control Wheel, created in 1984 by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), serves as a visual guide to the tactics often used by abusers. One powerful section, labelled “Using Children,” clearly reflects patterns consistent with parental alienation.

Even though the model was originally developed with a gender-specific perspective, it remains actively used by CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) and the UK judiciary when assessing domestic abuse cases. As a result, it continues to offer a relevant framework for presenting parental alienation as domestic abuse.

FJC Guidance and Its Implications

In December 2024, guidance was issued by the Family Justice Council (FJC). Judges were encouraged to consider parental alienation as rare and to investigate alternative causes for a child’s rejection, resistance, or refusal (RRR) of a parent. However, emphasis was simultaneously placed on recognising domestic abuse using frameworks like the Power and Control Wheel.

This dual approach creates a valuable opportunity. By aligning personal experiences with recognised patterns of abuse, victims can reframe parental alienation as domestic abuse in terms the courts understand.

How Parental Alienation as Domestic Abuse Can Be Framed

To shift perceptions effectively, it is helpful to use language grounded in the Power and Control Wheel:

✔️ Say:

• “My child is being used as a weapon of control.”
• “A clear pattern of emotional manipulation through the child is evident.”
• “These behaviours align with those shown on the Power and Control Wheel.”

🚫 Avoid:

• “I’m a victim of parental alienation.”
• “The other parent is a narcissist.”
• “This is just a high-conflict case.”

Rather than using labels, it is more effective to describe specific behaviours. Judges are instructed to assess documented actions—not interpret emotionally charged or controversial terms.

Steps to Present Your Case

1. Study the Power and Control Wheel
   Key behaviours such as isolation, emotional abuse, minimising, blaming, and using children should be identified.
2. Create a Detailed Timeline
   Events should be linked to the behaviours outlined in the Wheel. This will help support a C100 application or encourage a Section 7 report.
3. Use CAFCASS Tools
   Resources like the Parental Alienation Checklist and Child Impact Assessment Framework should be incorporated. These tools are already recognised by the court system.
4. Reframe in Civil Court
   With guidance from the FJC, cases can be reframed as domestic abuse within civil court contexts. Doing so may help reduce delays, avoid false allegations, and minimise the emotional toll on children.

Recognising That Parental Alienation Is Not Gendered

Although the Duluth model presents gendered examples, abuse itself is not limited by gender. During time spent as a trustee of a parental alienation organisation, both mothers and fathers were observed experiencing similar forms of suffering.

It is not gender that leads to the weaponisation of children, but the abuser’s need for power and control. Therefore, it is crucial to challenge and overcome outdated gender assumptions.

What Can Be Done Now?

• Download and study the Power and Control Wheel.
• Draft a detailed timeline using its behavioural language.
• Apply CAFCASS frameworks to shape your narrative.
• Reframe the case around domestic abuse, not just parental alienation.

Final Thoughts

Many parents have felt dismissed or misunderstood in family court. However, knowledge of the Power and Control Wheel allows for a shift in narrative. You are more than a co-parent—you are a victim of emotional abuse.

This framework can be used to speak the language of the system. With it, your story can be shared—clearly, effectively, and powerfully.

The Power And Control Wheel is copyright and permission is needed for using. But no worries, you’ll find the Wheel HERE.

For a suitable checklist of ‘alienating behaviours’ to help form your narrative, I recommend using the same parental alienation checklist that is possibly being used against you – use it in your favour to demonstrate in the same language as CAFCASS. Click HERE for their parental alienation checklist. It might be a good idea to also familiarise yourself with CAFCASS’ Child Impact Assessment Framework, just to be able to navigate where CAFCASS operates from. While you’re at it, check out this other CAFCASS link.

Kevin R Webb (MEd.L, BEd., BA Found., QTS) – Somatic Trauma Informed Narcissistic Abuse Coach

Parental alienation is domestic abuse. It’s time we stopped treating it as a “custody dispute” and started framing it for what it truly is: coercive control, emotional manipulation, and psychological abuse.

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If you’ve experienced abuse of any type and can’t find a way forward, contact me for effective, affordable, coaching support. Email support@thepowerandcontrolwheel.co.uk